The Stressful IEP Process & Successful Parents Achieving Equity & Hope

Successful Parents Achieving Equity & Hope in the Stressful IEP Process

Parents can achieve success, equity, and hope during the IEP process even though it is a stressful time. The stress comes from several areas including the importance of the proceedings, the legal requirements, and the lasting consequences of decisions and plans made at IEP meetings. It is important to note at the outset that success and equity are not accidental occurrences. They are the result of preparation, dedication, clarity, and confidence. Parents must prepare in advance to have successful IEP meetings. It is important for parents to realize preparation is not a one and done thing. They must commit to working to prepare for the meeting on a regular basis.

The purpose of this article is to show parents how to navigate the IEP process with power, strategy, and hope. When they do this, their children have better academic outcomes. When parents are more hopeful and confident about the IEP process, they influence their children to have similar feelings. We are using a strengths-based approach because we recognize parents have cultural wealth they can use to support their children (Yosso 2005).

It is important to note that parents’ voices matter and they are the experts on their children. When parents, teachers, and other educators acknowledge and embrace this fact, they are able to achieve better academic outcomes for students.

Understanding the IEP Process: What Makes It Stressful for Families

If you understand the IEP process, it is easier to understand what it is about the process that makes it stressful for parents. To start, the IEP process is governed by a complex set of special education laws and jargon. Many of the acronyms and shortcut phrases that are commonly used by teachers and administrators seem like a foreign language to parents. Some parents find it intimidating to ask what various acronyms, phrases, and jargon means As a result, they do not ask and lack a clear understanding of things in the IEP process.

Parents often feel stressed about their perceived power imbalance between families and school teams. Often school teams behave as if parents are not part of the IEP process. This stands in contrast to the reality that parents are an important and valuable part of the IEP process. Teachers and administrators who are interested in best practices would be well served to specifically tell parents they are part of the IEP team. Then they should treat parents as part of the IEP team.

Parents also face stress during the IEP process due to fear of judgement, past negative experiences cultural mismatch, or deficit thinking. These emotional triggers often make it difficult for parents to perform well at IEP meetings. Additionally, these triggers make it difficult for parents to support their children in class, with homework assignments, and in school at large. Whenever possible, teachers and administrators should work to mitigate these emotional triggers so that parents can better support their children on their academic journeys.

It is also important to note that some parents, particularly parents from traditionally marginalized groups, report feeling negatively judged by teachers and school administrators. These feelings of negative judgment happen when teachers and administrators behave as though Black parents do not care about their children the same way white parents do. It happens when teachers and administrators behave as if Black parents are deficit based rather than strengths-based when it comes to their children’s education.

The Equity Lens: What Parents Deserve in the IEP Process

Before we discuss how an equity lens helps parents get what they deserve in the IEP process, we must distinguish equality from equity. When children are treated equally at IEP meetings, each student receives the same thing. Whether it be accommodations, time pulled out of class, and other supports; each student receives the same thing. This approach I the exact opposite of what is required by an IEP plan which calls for an educational program that is individualized for each student. IEPs by their nature should be equitable, not equal. This means that each student should receive the accommodations, class pull-outs and other supports they need based on their individual needs. Parents deserve to have IEP teams that provide services based on what their children need as individuals, not what is easiest for the school to provide.

As discussed briefly above, bias, assumptions and systemic barriers show up on IEP meetings. One subtle form of bias faced by Black parents is the description of their behavior and that of their children being described as “defiant,” “unmotivated,” or “noncompliant” instead of “overwhelmed,” “unsupported,” or “communicating a need (Davis, 2025).” Traditionally marginalized parents often report that teachers have different expectations for their children based on race, disability, language background for family communication style. Another form of bias is seen at IEP meetings when teachers and members of the IEP team tone-police parents who ask direct question or are firm when advocating for equity.

IEP teams often make three assumptions about families and their capacity that cause problems for parents or make parents feel uncomfortable. These assumptions are as follows:

Assuming parents do not understand data or the process.

Assuming families with limited time, English proficiency, or availability are “uninvolved.”
Assuming the school’s interpretation of the child is more accurate than the parent’s lived experience,

There are systemic barriers built into the IEP process. Meetings are scheduled at times that are impossible for working families to attend. The draft EP document presented at an IEP meeting is presented as a “final” document which makes families feel that they do not get to participate in the process. In some cases, parents face limited access to interpreters, translated documents, or culturally responsive communication.

Another power balance that shapes conversations at IEP meetings I the fact that on one side of the table is the team from the school which consists of a classroom teacher, a special education teacher, a high-level administrator, and a few other teachers. On the other side of the table is one or two family members and perhaps the student for whom the meeting is being held. This setup makes it appear without a word being said, that all the power is on the side of the room with the school team. At the meetings, the decisions made by the school team are described as “what can be offered for the student.” Parents are not asked the more collaborative question “what does your child need?” Another example of a power imbalance can be found in the fact that teachers are missing class or are between classes at IEP meeting time. The teachers are given the opportunity to speak first and then leave for class. Parent are left feeling that the teacher’s needs are more important than their own.

During the IEP process, parents have a right to expect clarity, respect, and culturally responsive communication. These things are not a favor. They are the legal and ethical obligation the school team owes to parents.

The Parent’s Power: How Families Can Lead During the IEP Process

It is important to note that traditionally marginalized families have power and can lead with strength and clarity at IEP meetings. Teachers, staff, and administrators need to recognize that parents have community cultural capital they can bring to bear to help them battle racism and systemic oppression they may face during the IEP process (Yosso). Further, the role of parents at IEP meetings is central to the purpose and success of the meeting and not secondary. This is due in part to the fact that parents are the experts on their children, Their expertise should be acknowledged at the IEP meeting.

Parents should come to IEP meetings with a summary of their child’s strengths and needs so those things can be made part of the record. Additionally, it is important for parents to come to the IEP meeting with a list of 2 to 3 top priorities. At IEP meetings, the IEP teams use data and observations to make recommendations. Parents should do the same thing. They need to come to IEP meetings with data, observations, and stories from their lived experience. This information is needed to anchor parental advocacy efforts. To lead with strength and clarity, parents must have strategies for staying calm and grounded even if the IEP meeting becomes tense.

Conclusion

All parents, even those who are traditionally marginalized can achieve success, equity, and hope even during the highly stressful IEP process. To do this, families must trust their own expertise and stay committed to ensuring that everyone involved works to meet their children’s needs. Parents should stand strong in the knowledge that their advocacy helps create a strong and lasting legacy and there is power in the voice of parents.

References

Davis, J. (2025). We love our kids too: Black parents supporting the academic success of their children in affluent, predominantly white school districts (Doctoral dissertation, West Chester University). West Chester University Open Commons. https://digitalcommons.wcupa.edu/all_doctoral/328/

Yosso, T. J. (2005). Whose culture has capital? A critical race theory discussion of community cultural wealth. Race Ethnicity and Education, 8(1), 69–91. https://doi.org/10.1080/1361332052000341006

About the Author

Dr. Janeane Davis is Founder and Principal Consultant at Janeane Davis and Associates: Educational Consultants. Her work is rooted in practical wisdom and strategic clarity—offering educators tools that honor both their brilliance and their bandwidth. She writes to make systems feel human and tips feel like rituals worth keeping.
One desk. Many drafts. Always refining

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